Who the hell orders 15+ dollars in chinese food? Someone that is stuck in a binge cycle. This is so embarassing...
lii|;)' *J.M.R. 88-10*
18 November 2010
11 November 2010
Okay this happened to me about two hours ago. Before I begin I want to explain that I am a rocker. I have facial piercings and when I wear a beanie I can actually pass for about a 15 yr old boy because I have no boobs at all. Today I am dressed in skinny black denim jeans, a wallet with chain as usual, a pair of steel toe boots because that is what I work in, and i am wearing a t shirt for the band Vains Of Jenna. The back of this shirt says "Don't Fuck With A Rock Star" I am also aware that what I wear or my appearance might offend some people. If you feel that you have to comment on what I look like go right ahead. Point taken. I am not going to change for anyone and everyone is entitled to their opinion.
Okay so after work I wanted pizza. (Gross I know... Bad day you know) I stopped by the local pizza place and went in and ordered. I had to wait so I ran next door to a grocery store and grabbed a few things from there. I was checking out in one of those self scan things and I hear a voice.
"Dude you need to change your shirt."
I didn't pay it much mind and i continued what i was doing. Then I hear
"Do you think your funny with that shirt?" Now I realize the voice is talking to me. I actually forgot what shirt I was wearing so I looked down and realized it was my VOJ shirt and think Oh hell. I calmly look up and am face to face with a 50 year old man. Brown bowl cut, mustache, glasses, wearing a baby pink button down shirt and a pair of khaki dockers. Here we go. I calmly respond "No." and try my best to ignore him. Who wants to cause a scene anyways? This man continues to have a go at me and people start looking as I quickly grab my purchases and rush out the door. I told him to go away and I don't even know him. I just wanted to be left alone. Congratulations you think I am a 15 year old punk ass boy, not a 26 year old girl who own their own house and car. Whatever. I chalk it up to ignorance and go on my way.
I take my purchases out to my truck and turn around to go into the pizza place to pick up my order. Out of the corner of my eye I see mr psycho and I realzie he is looking for me. Bloody wonderful. I quickly make my way inside trying to avoid confrontation. I am waiting at the counter and I see someone has walked into the store. Yup you guessed right. It was mr pink shirt. He comes up behind me and says
"If you have the balls to wear that shirt at least have the balls to look at me." I glance up and realize he is breathing heavy and shaking. Seriously this dude wanted a fight. He had to be fucked up on something. I quickly looked away because I didn't want to provoke someone twice my size and risk getting hit or something. He starts in on some story about two kids who got arrested and i cut him off.
"Dude if you dont leave me alone im calling the cops."
"Ill dial them up " he says and pulls out his phone.
"Go Ahead" I say and he starts his story again. I roll my eyes and I am seriously shaking pissed off by now. Bitching is one thing. Following me is a whole other situation.
The guy who was trying to pick up his order before I walked in turns around and looks at me. I quickly turn my back to him and say "My shirt says fuck on it." and Mystery patron looks back at mr pink shirt who is still harassing me and giving me bullshit.
"Is her shirt hurting you?" the patron guys asked psycho guy. "Is it that serious?" Psycho guy starts is "two kids arrested" story again and I scream out
"I understand my shirt offends you. Sorry. Leave me alone!" Finally the poor boy behind the counter says to Pink Shirt
"Um sir can you please not do this in this store?"
Pinky says" Oh sorry yeah and leaves."
Serioulsy I should have called the cops and i am regretting not filling a police report right after it happened. This guy had to be fucked up and trippin out on something to verbally attack what he thought was a young kid. If you wanted to cause a scene in the store thats not even the point. Who the hell decided you had the right to follow me? That is definitely haressment. Besided I live in the United States dickweed. My shirt can say whatever I want it too. The cops are not going to arrest me for anything my shirt says.
Thanks for listening everyone. Sorry this is totally not even related. Teach me to buy something bad for me.
Okay so after work I wanted pizza. (Gross I know... Bad day you know) I stopped by the local pizza place and went in and ordered. I had to wait so I ran next door to a grocery store and grabbed a few things from there. I was checking out in one of those self scan things and I hear a voice.
"Dude you need to change your shirt."
I didn't pay it much mind and i continued what i was doing. Then I hear
"Do you think your funny with that shirt?" Now I realize the voice is talking to me. I actually forgot what shirt I was wearing so I looked down and realized it was my VOJ shirt and think Oh hell. I calmly look up and am face to face with a 50 year old man. Brown bowl cut, mustache, glasses, wearing a baby pink button down shirt and a pair of khaki dockers. Here we go. I calmly respond "No." and try my best to ignore him. Who wants to cause a scene anyways? This man continues to have a go at me and people start looking as I quickly grab my purchases and rush out the door. I told him to go away and I don't even know him. I just wanted to be left alone. Congratulations you think I am a 15 year old punk ass boy, not a 26 year old girl who own their own house and car. Whatever. I chalk it up to ignorance and go on my way.
I take my purchases out to my truck and turn around to go into the pizza place to pick up my order. Out of the corner of my eye I see mr psycho and I realzie he is looking for me. Bloody wonderful. I quickly make my way inside trying to avoid confrontation. I am waiting at the counter and I see someone has walked into the store. Yup you guessed right. It was mr pink shirt. He comes up behind me and says
"If you have the balls to wear that shirt at least have the balls to look at me." I glance up and realize he is breathing heavy and shaking. Seriously this dude wanted a fight. He had to be fucked up on something. I quickly looked away because I didn't want to provoke someone twice my size and risk getting hit or something. He starts in on some story about two kids who got arrested and i cut him off.
"Dude if you dont leave me alone im calling the cops."
"Ill dial them up " he says and pulls out his phone.
"Go Ahead" I say and he starts his story again. I roll my eyes and I am seriously shaking pissed off by now. Bitching is one thing. Following me is a whole other situation.
The guy who was trying to pick up his order before I walked in turns around and looks at me. I quickly turn my back to him and say "My shirt says fuck on it." and Mystery patron looks back at mr pink shirt who is still harassing me and giving me bullshit.
"Is her shirt hurting you?" the patron guys asked psycho guy. "Is it that serious?" Psycho guy starts is "two kids arrested" story again and I scream out
"I understand my shirt offends you. Sorry. Leave me alone!" Finally the poor boy behind the counter says to Pink Shirt
"Um sir can you please not do this in this store?"
Pinky says" Oh sorry yeah and leaves."
Serioulsy I should have called the cops and i am regretting not filling a police report right after it happened. This guy had to be fucked up and trippin out on something to verbally attack what he thought was a young kid. If you wanted to cause a scene in the store thats not even the point. Who the hell decided you had the right to follow me? That is definitely haressment. Besided I live in the United States dickweed. My shirt can say whatever I want it too. The cops are not going to arrest me for anything my shirt says.
Thanks for listening everyone. Sorry this is totally not even related. Teach me to buy something bad for me.
09 November 2010
So today started out good. I actually felt pretty good and was in a really good mood. Untill I started chatting to a friend about how I got blackout drunk Saturday night. When I drink I end up talking about my cousin. Then I feel guilty about talking about him. I feel guilty for being miserable all the time. I am trying to move on. It's just hard.
Then this person asked me if my cousin would have wanted me to feel this miserable for so long. Well I don't believe in heaven or hell so that just means he is gone. Nonexistant. Thats what kill me the most. That question though made me feel so horrifically guilty.
I know people are tired of me talking about him. I know they are tired of being around someone who is miserable. I am not stupid and I am fully aware of this. I just don't know how to move on. I don' t know how to heal from this. I don't understand how I am supposed to live a wonderful life when it will never be the same again.
I am just so tired of feeling guilty all the fucking time.
Then this person asked me if my cousin would have wanted me to feel this miserable for so long. Well I don't believe in heaven or hell so that just means he is gone. Nonexistant. Thats what kill me the most. That question though made me feel so horrifically guilty.
I know people are tired of me talking about him. I know they are tired of being around someone who is miserable. I am not stupid and I am fully aware of this. I just don't know how to move on. I don' t know how to heal from this. I don't understand how I am supposed to live a wonderful life when it will never be the same again.
I am just so tired of feeling guilty all the fucking time.
01 November 2010
New month!
So today was not a good day mentally. My thoughts were caught up in JR most of the day. Seeing his headstone for the first time last week was harder than I thought it would be. I have been trying though to live my life more like he did. I even sent an apology message via facebook to someone who I dont think I necessarily wronged, but it just seems better to smooth things over and move on. My mind definitely feels better now for doing that.
Foodwise it was an okay day. Seems like all my days are "okay" whenever I put anything in my mouth. I wish I could survive on nothing. I wish I could just float through life without anything bothering me at all. I guess that is just a dream.
Foodwise it was an okay day. Seems like all my days are "okay" whenever I put anything in my mouth. I wish I could survive on nothing. I wish I could just float through life without anything bothering me at all. I guess that is just a dream.
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